Do I care much for pregnancy right now? No I do not. Do I care that I have given up my freedom to sleep on my stomach, eat sushi loaded with wasabi and see my feet? Yes I do. Do I want everyone to be as miserable and uncomfortable as I am? Yes I do and I don't feel bad for saying so either.
Do I feel badly for women who want to bitch because I am blessed to carry children? I did up until week 30, now they can all kiss my fat floppy ass. Don't tell me, "I'd do anything to vomit all day" because I'll show you just how "glamourous" nausea can be! It's not a pretty sight honey!
How about that feeling of bonding with my baby because she's an extension of me? Right now, there is NO bonding! How does one bond with Xena Warrior Princess when she's trying to maim your insides? What's the bet she attempts her getaway through my bellybutton before D-day.
I'm often asked how the baby is doing? How-is-the-baby-doing?! Really?! She is just FABULOUS! She takes her beauty sleep princess-like naps during the day and does flamenco and kickboxing classes at about 3:00am. She's not a huge fan of dinner at 18:30 and prefers to take her coffee and cornflakes at 00:15. She reacts to her father and her brothers voices by painfully jamming her head into the birth canal, a possibly escape attempt. She's a huge fan of using fluffy lungs as thigh masters and then settling between them for the three hours that she does sleep at night. Her life is busy, she's driven and it's her ambition to fracture one of my ribs before her dramatic entrance into this world. Thanks for asking!
In the spirit of controversial honesty I feel I need to say something nice about pregnancy before I'm viewed as satan worse half. Pregnancy will continue to be a bloody nightmare, and that includes the extended period of six weeks after the birth where you walk around with a surfboard between your legs. Like it or not, you will average three hours sleep a night, look like a pissed bag lady and you'll definitely put the boiling kettle in the fridge more often than you care to think about. But, I feel it's only fair to tell you it's well worth it when you do actually deliver. I know it because this is my second pregnancy and I'm a sucker for the blissful "punishment" of parenthood where reflux, drooling, funny noises, toothy smiles and sausage toes replace fractured ribs, oxygen deprivation, and the desire to see everyone miserable around you. But right now, you don't care if everyone is miserable, all you care about is sleep, making sense in your mother tongue, and re-building your now defunct,IQ.
